Women distribute their love according to the Matthew principle:
For to every one who has will more be given, and he will have abundance; but from him who has not, even what he has will be taken away.
— Matthew 25:29, RSV.
The more successful a man is with women, the more attractive he appears to women. This effect is known in science as “Mate Choice Copying”. It is intensively used by pickup artists, e.g. by using a female companion (a so-called Wing Woman) or by mentioning affairs and thus proving their desirability with the fairer sex. (It is important to never brag about your successes!)
Men, on the other hand, prefer to distribute their love to needy women. They prefer women who are sexually worn out as little as possible. No man is proud of the fact that he could get a ride on the village bike.
How do I tell her?
Not at all! I have read countless reports of incels who were left by their partner after an outing instantaneously and without further explanation. It doesn’t always have to be like this, but there are just too many cases where it happens that way. By the way, this is the case even with female incels, although not quite as extreme. Conversely, I’ve never heard of a concealment leading to any problems. You don’t need to be afraid it might come out somehow. I’ve never heard of a woman who figured out by kissing or having sex with an incel that she was the first to do so. Conversely, I know many reports of men whose girls have not noticed anything at all.
Sexual inexperience is the greatest possible attraction killer a man can have. Women have very deep-seated feelings of disgust towards inexperienced men. Some prostitutes refuse to sleep with incels. And this was not because they were unkempt or unaesthetic, but because they have outed themselves to them as incel.
You don’t believe that an outing is really that bad? Then take a look at the following quotes:
I must strongly advise against any incel outing. Even I, as a female ex incel, find this rather deterrent, but “normal” women can’t handle it at all. “I’m sure he’s never had sex before” is ment to be one of the most derogatory things that women around me say about men. If you are a MAN older than 20 and have never had sex, then you are considered an absolute loser among women as soon as this becomes known. And it WILL continue to be gossiped, simply because it is so amusing and unusual. [Link]
When I “met” my clique a few years ago, I was greeted by the girls with a warm embrace and a cheek kiss right at the beginning (this was the absolute highlight of my sexual experiences!). Later, as I gradually leaked out that I’ve never had a girlfriend before, and when rumors spread that I was a virgin, this changed suddenly. Today the girls from my clique don’t even greet me with a handshake anymore. Sometimes I get the feeling that every normie is afraid that our incel existence is infectious like a virus. So, choose very carefully who you tell your little secret. I’ve learned from my mistakes. [Link]
We got into a conversation by chance – and so good that we stood together at the bar for more than two hours, laughed and chatted. But then a buddy of mine showed up unexpectedly – and the first thing he said to the girl was,”Hey, he never had a girlfriend, by the way.” I will not forget the reaction to that. The woman looked frightened and stared at me as if I was eating little children. Then she grabbed her drink and ran away. [Link]
In any case, keep your incel status secret – in that I have to endorse the two previous posts. I made once the mistake myself, when I told a work colleague about it in the middle of my 20s, after him asking me directly (he was a ladies man and was continuously in relationships). And that was then used against me in this company (that colleague and one of the bosses unfortunately had a good connection to each other), my career there was soon at the end, because that boss actually thought me to be a “strange person”, nerd or something like that. [Link]
“Groups of Women, who learned from men that I was a virgin, would talk about how undesirable I am because of my virginity.” Thus male virginity can lead to a vicious circle in which the fact of virginity makes the man undesirable to women thus decreasing the chance of losing the virginity. [Link]
Women like myself go on all your incel forums and we laugh at you. We screenshot your posts and send them to one another, giggling at what fucking losers you are. [Link]
Bellavita: For me, that’s a turn off, too. The fact that a man in his mid-thirties has never been in bed with a woman is usually not due to exaggerated shyness, but rather to ugliness. If no one wanted him before, why should I be the first? Nah, thanks. I don’t want to teach anyone. I want someone who’s on the same level.
Gerrimee: If it were just ugliness…! Mid thirties, virgin and only porn knowledge ….. Eww! [Link]
Is that normal? What’s normal? A priest who puts down the celibacy and is 40 – with him I can sympathize. But a man who is average – no freak – and never had sex before – HELP! [Link]
Many people who have not experienced the incel problem themselves will advise you to do the exact opposite. “It’s best to deal with the subject openly.” Of course you do. And the Easter bunny lays the colourful eggs. The incel understander Maja Roedenbeck also sometimes has such impulses:
Enough with the Incel Taboo!
And thus contradicts one of her own central pieces of advice:
Come out to a carefully selected person!
Don’t let these people get to you! An outing is usually irreversible. After that, you have no choice but to live with the consequences. That happended to Wolfram Huke, for example:
MOPO am Sonntag: Did the film make it easier or more difficult for you to find love?
Wolfram Huke: Difficult, I think. I revealed something insanely uncool about me in the movie. Since the film has been shown at the Hofer Filmtage and newspapers have reported, many people know what’s going on with me. Now a woman has to come, who doesn’t care that no other woman has ever been interested in me.
How do you proceed concretely if you decide to hide everything? Should you use made-up stories? Or would you rather beat around the bush?
No way! You should never lie to them directly, hem and haw or try to avoid their questions. You should never seriously talk about any ex-girlfriends anyway. Not even if you have some experience. Especially if she asks specifically for it. Consider the following interesting observation:
Do you know how to tell if someone’s incel? You ask him if he’s ever had sex before! If he smiles broadly and says “No! Never ever! I didn’t!” then he’s not. If he blushes and replies “Uh, well, uh, I’ve had sex before”, then he is.
The trick doesn’t always work, but it does frighteningly often. Keep that in mind whenever you have to hide your inceldom. Now let’s get back to the subject:
I named the method used to solve the chicken-egg problem of sexual inexperience “bootstrapping”. It works as follows: Initially, you have a series of dates, but they’re not going to work. You then use these unsuccessful dates to build up a pool of stories that convey the impression of a sexual experienced guy. Never define the relationship status that you and these women had. Always speak of them in a way that leaves plenty of room for interpretation. Never use them to show off, but act like you’re trying to keep her from knowing anything about them. The word “we” can serve you very effectively if it slips out while you are storytelling.
Suppose you’re talking about your last holiday in France.
You:…. And on the last day we were at the Eiffel Tower. The view from up there was amazing.
She: Who did you have with you?
You: This was Dominique, an enchanting young woman from Provence, who came to Paris to study architecture.
When listening to such a story, in the head of your date comes up the image of a sweet little French girl and that of a man who just lays such girls effortlessly. She wouldn’t dream of thinking that the two weeks you spent in Paris, from dawn to dusk, you were approaching women, that the date was only on the last day of your vacation, that Dominique was the only date of this holiday, that Dominique was an overweight depressive woman who also suffered from severe scoliosis… As you can see, without ever saying a word that isn’t true, you can create a completely different world in the head of your listener.
What should I say when she asks me about my last relationship? If she wants to know how long I’ve been single?
Such questions are always a sign that you have bored her. Avoid the emergence of such questions by providing exciting dates and topics for conversation. If they do come up, there is only one solution for you: to answer jokingly. Like so:
I’ve been single since I got out of jail. Before that, I had Bruno, the prison guard. And I must tell you, I am enjoying my newly gained freedom to the fullest. Finally I can bend down for the soap while showering again undisturbed.
And don’t let some slogans like, “Tell me the truth!” get you down. If you give in to her now, you just show that you’re not up to her.
Last chance: Outing on TV
Listen: With a TV outing, you only have the chance to fuck it up once and for all. If you ever get into a situation where Google associates your name with inceldom, you’re burned. Then, you don’t have a chance to find a girlfriend any more. This applies to serious formats as well as to trash TV. A media-effective outing is a disaster beyond all expectations for your attractiveness. You don’t just turn into a loser in front of your partner, you turn into a loser in front of the whole world. The good girl will have to be ashamed of you. She will have to justify herself, why exactly she… Women attach great importance to what other people think about their partners. Please don’t give them such humiliation!
I haven’t convinced you yet? You think that with so many millions of viewers there should be a woman who doesn’t mind your inexperience? Forget it! All the incels I know who came out on TV did not receive a single serious reply. Think about it: A man introduces himself to so many women that even the most eager pick-up artist could not have addressed them all in his whole life. And not one of them can even imagine a date with him.
Do you think that with your performance you could help to dispel prejudices against incels? No Way! The rejection by women has nothing to do with prejudice at all. The rejection is due to the female sex drive. And if you wanted to change that, you’d have to genetically modify women.
You want to sacrifice yourself and heroically promote more acceptance of incels? Don’t do it! You’re hurting all the incels! The more people know that there are incels, the greater the risk for incels to be exposed. And that usually means the end of the partnership market.
To avoid misunderstandings…
I’m all about the impact of an outing on your dating success. I don’t care about anything else, and so should you! Whether you’re embarrassed what the others think of you, whether they’re gossiping behind your back, etc. doesn’t matter.
Most people (men and women) react sympathetically and encouragingly to you when outing. What they then tell behind your back is a different story. And the effect on female sexual desire (which is not a conscious decision, but always subconsciously) is something completely different. To put it in the words of another incel:
I have seen many times how women react tolerantly to my incel confession, but then psychic processes are running in their brains that lead to the loss of all attraction. [Link]
The difference between the moral super-ego on the one hand and the impulsive id on the other is not understood by many incels, and then leads to such silly threads as “I’ve come out (and I am still live)” Yes, clearly you’re still alive after an outing! But you’ll live farther away from a relationship than you’ve ever lived before!
But if you come out to people you don’t want to have sex with and who can handle this information confidentially (e. g. friends, parents, siblings, therapists) then I don’t see any problem with it. I have done the same thing and have experienced positive reactions. However, you should not expect any kind of positive impact on your search for a partner. The people around you are usually unfamiliar with the problem of inceldom and therefore cannot help you. (Even if they try.)
“You’ve been with how many girls?!” (The Rational Male)
Iron Rule of Tomassi # 2:
NEVER, under pain of death, honestly or dishonestly reveal the number of women you’ve slept with or explain any detail of your sexual experiences with them to a current lover.
I practically never talk about sex myself during seduction, but it happens in many of my favorite RDs. I advise you to make some white lies in the form of funny stories. Nobody is harmed if[…]
Funny are also always stories about sexual ticks of ex-girlfriends. […]
Endless Enigma (= Lodovico Satana, the author of “Lob des Sexismus”)
“How many girls have you slept with?” – Translation: Do you get laid a lot or are you a sex starved beta? Saying you have not slept with many girls communicates low value. Exaggerate your number if it’s low. […] Fail-safe responses: “I’ve lost count.” – “What, today? Not many.” – “Pick a number, any number.”
„Over 30 percent of people told me they would not date a virgin,“ she says, and it makes sense in her theory of fast sex and slow love. (The actual statistic, from her 2013 Match.com study, is much higher: around 42 percent. And women are much less likely to date a virgin than men.) „If you don’t have regular intercourse, then most people see this as a barrier to intimacy.“
Singles in Beratung, Coaching und Therapie, Christian Thiel, p. 116
The market for very or completely inexperienced men is relatively small. Most women back down when they realize that a man at this age has little or no experience with relationships and sexuality.